Your Worst Massage Ever!
Wednesday August 22, 2007
What’s your worst massage ever? A friend just told me hers. She was staying in an inn in Taos, New Mexico, and scheduled an in-room massage. The front desk gave the therapist an enthusiastic build-up. “He was supposed to be very spiritual,” my friend recalls. But when the therapist arrived, he asked my friend to make a pot of coffee! He brought his dogs, who slept on her bed. The massage itself was disjointed and strange, and he stopped in the middle to make…another pot of coffee.
When he was done he asked if he could use her shower because he was living out of his truck. I can't top that one. How about you? What’s your worst massage experience? While we're on the subject of bad massage, it’s important to remember that we always have the right to stop a treatment. “I kept thinking that I was missing something, that maybe it was about to get better,” my friend recalls. “I wonder if the person at the front desk was getting a kickback.”
Comments
My worst one was at a large spa chain in California. It started out okay and then I started to feel strange…like the therapist wasn’t really focused.
I picked up my head to ask her about it and she is using one hand to TEXT MESSAGE someone!
I live in Taos, and I think I know him! Sorry, have to make some coffee now.
(1)It nearly came to blows because a Shiatsu practioner would not lighten up the touch. It was the one and only time I came close to stopping the session.
(2) A resort in Puerto Vallarta offered “full body massage” as part of their services. I bought a 90 minute session.
After a fairly long period of time I was asked to turn onto my back. I asked why by glutes were not worked. It was spa policy to not work glutes or the part of the body on the front from the clavicle to the top of the pelvis. I raised hell with the management to the point they were going to send me back into the spa to have my glutes done. That was far from the point. I learned to ask what full body means when I patronize spas.
I can’t beat the texting or coffee people, but the worst massage I ever had was on a cruise ship. I booked a very expensive Swedish massage and the therapist’s touch was so light, I felt like it was just someone applying moisturizing lotion. I came out needed a massage. So, I booked with someone else the next day. The new therapist gave me very deep trigger point therapy all over my body when I asked for a Swedish massage.There was no Petrissage or effleurage. Yopu would think the therapist would have taken a clue by my wincing and sharp breaths. I asked for her to stop but she said she promised it would relax the muscles when she was done. Today, I would know what to do and stopped it, but at that time I was not knowledgeable about massage. I hurt for days and had bruises all over. To this day I have never had a massage on a cruise ship again because of that experience
My first was my worst. My wife and I were on vacation in Morocco and she convinced me to get a message at the small “resort” where we were staying. I finally gave in and went to my first massage. The first problem was that is was a man. As my first massage, I had trouble dealing with a man rubbing on my body. But, I went forward and promised to give this a try. I spent the next 30 minutes in pain after the guy spent 15 minutes trying to rub and pull all the hairs off my legs! Ouch. After that, I wasn’t sure if massages were for me until my wife explained that is not what is supposed to happen!
I don’t know if I can top making coffee pre-massage, but I’ve had two lame experiences. The first was on Vancouver Island at a small spa where not only did the therapist go on and on about where she used to work (and where she was fired) in Vancouver, but while doing the hot stone massage she accused me of having a broken lbow! Granted, I do have mouse elbow from all the long hours I spent the computer, but she wouldn’t let it go. In addition to the hot stones, she also used very COLD stones, and practically ripped my skin off with the pressure. She was a total nut case. The second was sort of a sad situation. It was at a “resort” outside Fairbanks, Alaska … I went to the “cabin” which had junk all over, wayward Xmas lights and the therapist was pulling the old sheets off the bed and putting on the new. I felt like I was in somebody’s chicken coop in the Back 40. I thought it would have been better to have the massage in my room, but it wasn’t all that inviting, either. Upon checking in I found bunch of pornographic material under my bed (it was in Japanese so I couldn’t read it but the pictures tell a thousand words).
I once signed up for a twofer–reflexology followed by a deep tissue massage. These are two treatments I know well. Or so I thought. Turns out this particular spa employed a Thai-trained therapist. Did you know that Thai reflexology is quite different than Japanese or Chinese? Much less point work, much more. . . painful. My therapist rubbed and scratched at my feet relentlessly for a half hour. He employed a similar technique during the massage. And he spoke no English. I sucked it up for research sake, then called the spa and spoke with the owner, who didn’t feel the need to advise clients of the differences in techniques.
But as far funny stories go, my friend Jonathan’s tops all. He was lured in to have a very inexpensive massage at one of those local hair/nails/massage joints only to realize that the services were offered at a cut rate so the therapist had one uninterrupted hour to sell Jonathan on the wonders of Himalayan Goji juice. It was a multilevel marketing scam brought to a cynical extreme.
For the full hilarious story go to:
http://thelandofspa.blogspot.com/2007/06/multi-level-scam.html
I scheduled a massage around the holidays at an Aveda Salon to relax. There was construction going on but I really was not paying attention until I was on the table relaxing. They started drilling on the wall in the room next to me. That is all I heard through the whole massage. And to make it worse, the girl that massaged me complained about her finances, boyfriend, etc. to me. I was very stressed when I left. I felt the front desk should have honored another massage or at least 1/2 off, but I never said anything. They should have cancelled the appointments for that day….it was on a Saturday, one of their busiest days. I haven’t had a message since.
I was at the Borgata a few years ago. This male massage therapist had recently shaved his arms- but not that recently. He massaged me with his stubbly forearms-which no one has ever done before. It was unsettling and itchy. Not relaxing at all!
My Massage,
I booked a spa with massage etc as a birthday gift for myself a couple of years ago, at the ‘K’spa in west London,within a hotel. Now I did take me niece her for a treat in the summer for her birthday & with both had a lovely time. On the day of mine I was greeted by a not to patient nor polite receptionist,but I ignored this. I showered & changed into my robe, & made my way to the lovely relaxing waiting area, reading a magazine, I was then shoved a clip board & pen to complete my details with any disorders & disclaimer, the girl who did this, I thought “my gosh how rude” but then again she may not of spoken much English as she was mumbling something,I just hoped she was not going to me my massues…. yes your right she was !
I tell you the experience was awful, the room was cold, she was very inconsiderate, didn’t do hardly any effleurage, her hands where cold, then started doing all these flick up’s to my face, which I found most uncomfortable. Then to top that, I could her the conversation of her colleagues in the room next door & the scaping of their chairs.
I nearly got off the bed half way through, I really wish I had !
At the end of the treatment, which by now I could wait for,she the so called therapist started talking to me in perfect English, which I was a little suprized to hear. I got off the couch & just before she started to stripe the bed of the towels, which I found very offensive !!
Very upset, I made my way back to the changing rooms, got dressed & headed back to reception, no one even bothered ask about my treatment, as I would have given it to them.
I got home and called to speak with the manager, who was on holiday. I then got her name & sent her a lengthy email with all my issues. I was not offered a refund, but was offered a chance to re-book without a charge. Which I will do,now, as I did keep the email. The treatment was approx £150 & I bought a few products too.
I am now a quailified beauty therapist & plan to start my training for massage in the autumn.
This is a very personal treatment, which you must have a passion for, as you give out negative energy to the recipent when you are note feeling your best !
I am a massage therapist I was injured for a few days lower back strain I had various therapists i called on a normal basis but none were available so i went through the phone book asked are you licensed massage therapist yes she said ok wonderful do you do house calls yes she said ok how much 150 for an hour ok sounds great she shows up and i told her that i wanted swedish massage very simple full body and some focus on the lower back she said ok she stood around the table walking in circles ok well i figured that she was centering herself im not as holostic as someof the other therapists ill give her a chance after about ten minutes of this i said excuse me but is something wrong she said no i just know you have the gift of healing i can feel it i said yes but im the patient today i am a therapist remember i told you on the phone dont be nervous im very not high maintenance im very happy you are here . she said im working your energy ok after 30 minutes i was getting frusterated ok my energy is that in check im wondering if you remember i wanted swedish she said i only do energy work i said no touching at all of the skin are you kidding me do what you did in school swedish you know pressure friction oil etc she said i was never really good at that . I said ok its been 45 minutes and the energy is not getting it for me may i make a suggestion im trying to be nice you can not say you are giving a massage and charge 150 dollars to walk in circles i understand you are trying to heal me but thats not what i want . I want you to know that people will not come back to you im not trying to hurt your feelings but here is half the session money and i suggest you make it clear when people are scheduling an appt what they want…. flake!! they are out there trust me……………she did not want to work for the money thats it too lazy she said it hurt her fingers and it exhausted her to do it…it was not about her having a skill she was just lazy and wanted to use an excuse..
My worst message (as opposed to the several mediorcre ones I’ve had) was at a Seattle spa. The young woman twisted my neck to crack it! I was shocked. I don’t even let Chiropractors do this. I later called the spa manager and discussed it. Luckily no damage was done.
I no longer get messages at trendy spas. I get them only from LMTs. If you inquire at the spas you will probably discover that there are only one or two licensed for several certified therapists. There is a huge difference in the education and knowledge base from a licensed and a certified therapist. Sadly the cost is about the same as spas are expensive.